"The desert bears only a scathing sun, and nothing more."
"What about mirages?"

Monday, December 7, 2009

Boys Who Whink They're Men But Are Not Really Men Who Are Actually Worse Than Girls Are Really Stupid.

Like, fricken god.

You'd think that when a guy's been saying "I love you so much," for freaking eight months, they'd actually mean it. I'm so sick and tired of feeling like I'm being lied to all the time. I'm sick and tired of being out of the loop and I'm so fucking tired of trying to tell him what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling. I'm tired of saying sorry, because of course, it always my fault. Cough, sarcasm, cough.

Maybe it is all my fault, that this relationship is very slowly slipping down the clogged drain. The high of lust and desire can only hold up the foundations of love for so long, and even though I'm sure I love him, I'm not sure if I do for the right reasons.

Well, fuck it all, isn't that just a blast of reality?

Maybe its the people we know that rip us apart and send us bounding in different directions. Like stupid Jenna. Stupid Ellie. Stupid Matt, who has girls chasing after him, who has people screaming at him at every point of his life; he can never do right. And then I try to protect him, becasue I'm passionate about fairness and the understanding of other's points. But then I'm in the wrong.

Like, what the hell? Why can I never be right? Am I simply to argumentative? Too moody/emotional? Too disarming, too set on the way that things are? Maybe some of us can never be happy.

Anyways, whatever. If it's time for this to end, then it will end. And if not, then it won't. I just have to try and give it my all, prove to him that I still love him, make him understand that I'll fight for and against what I love.

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"Write with our backs to the wind and our faces to the hard, bleaching sun."