"The desert bears only a scathing sun, and nothing more."
"What about mirages?"

Monday, December 17, 2012

What It Is To Be Human.

In my weakest hour
I am human.
I take
what I want
I burn
what I need
I deconstruct
my own body
because I can
because I am human
because I have
an exceptionally
dark heart.
And in my weakest hour
I am not burdened
by my heart
or the marks
it leaves
in my wake.
I am served well
by the snarling chains
of my own

Saturday, December 8, 2012


In my head my thoughts
are like helpless rabbits
hunted by the red fox--
frozen like cinder blocks,
my fear--
I cannot command it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

What Happened At The Party.

Things are quiet
the tense speaks
to the night before.
A night of too much drinking
a budding friendship fading
with the buzz
of a social construction.


Just because
everyone does
shouldn't mean I must.
I feel those pressures
more than most.
They pound inside my skin
wait to be free
from the chains
I keep around myself.
Is it worth
the restraint
I nestle into?
Time won't
reliquish that secret
to me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Band.

the band got together
last night
uneasy talk, small smiles
a little bit of punk
a little bit of rock
a little bit of everything
a little bit disjointed
until we play.
Sounds bind together
into something harmonious
and things make sense
for a little bit.

Basketball Practise.

Ball bouncing between hands
a break neck pace
as they tear down
the court.
Muscles move
in perfect ferocious

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Inward Thoughts.

I cried harder for you
the I have for even myself.
Streetlights filtering
through a closed window.
I can never change
any of this--
can only look outside in
and wish that
compassion actually

- - -

These last two poems I wrote about the discourse that's been flying around the memorial page of Amanda Todd, and another less known case, Felicia Garcia. People just have some crazy rude things to say about these suicides (But I won't get into that here), and I feel like it's really unnecessary.

To me it doesn't matter if all the rumors about Amanda Todd are true or not. I find it imensely sad regardless of what mistakes she made that she felt there was no other way out. That she felt like death was the only option. People who are saying she doesn't deserve the attention or she had no right to end her life make me angry. It makes me angry because if it was someone they were close to, they would want others to respect their loss.  It makes me angry because people don't have respect for each other. We're all cold, unfeeling, dead things.

When I was just a kid, like 12 or 13 (seventh grade), my parents played in a band. It was a hard time for eveyone, but I think the entire family (not just my parents) looked forward to band practises because it mean't our house would be filled with happy people. One of the members of the band was a young man named Steve. He was very shy but extremely kind. When I first thought about playing guitar he taught me to read tablature (to be honest I didn't really have an interest until the 10th grade, but regardless). He was a good friend of the family and I remember enjoying his presence. I remember one day my mom woke me up and told me he'd wasn't with us anymore. We found out he had been really sick and was always in pain. I think it hit us all really hard, and since then my parents have felt the loss of a few close friends.

So maybe it's just because I've experienced what it's like to lose someone to suicide. But I don't think it's a debateable matter by any means and I'm so tired of the disrespect people all over the internet are showing.

Anyways, rant over.

Bitter People.

Can't fight
the bitterness of you
the cold angry beast
that bursts
from hollow eyes
black hearts
the minds of skeptics.
What if
for once
things just were
and we suffered
when sacred life
slipped from the branch
a supple apple
to a dead place.

Monday, October 22, 2012

We Are What We Are.

We are blood
welling in an
open wound--
the catalyst was
things done wrong.
We are batters
for the other team--
we swing left
when we think
counter culture
swings right.
I am a flower
rooted into a
rocky penisula
and you are the salt
that licks stone
as the water
leaves you.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Different And Yet The Same.

When you look at me
I'm startled  because
in no version
of the universe
do people like you
look at
people like me.
We are so
adversely different.
And yet
we are completely
the same.
The same
The same tired soul.
Tell me then
in what version
of the universe
do we fall
the same way?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Cracked Focus.

What if there is more
than I believed there to be,
and what if there is less
than I ever imagined?
This is the thought
that cracks my focus
that leaves me with
a retina burn
of ebony strands
and eyes
dark and piercing.
And they know more
of the human soul
than I can ever

A Big Joke.

When I look in the mirror
I wish I saw something greek.
All I see
is what I hate.
What a cruel joke to play,
You knew
no one could ever live up to
the great David.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


My friend said
she wanted to be water
and I thought
what a clever way
to live forever,
to see everything
to be forgotten
to be understated
to slip through
fingers and teeth
and yet
carry all life
from birth
to death
to bring a ship home
or drag it down
to dark depths.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My Brother Insomnia.

Insomnia settles in
beside me
to spend the night.
His spiny shoulders
and curving hands
keep me awake
long into
the dark hours
of night.
I try to turn away
but each time,
I find myself
face to face with him
and I stare into his sunken
sleep deprived eyes
and wonder
if that's
what I look like.

Saturday, September 8, 2012


Today I found my way
back to the ocean.
Cool wet salt
licks my feet
I feel
almost as if
I never left
the velvet blue.

Monday, September 3, 2012

A Heart Rotten Through.

I have a heart
built with
rusty nails
and rotten plywood.
It stands on
a cracked foundation
and mold
and booklice
creep up its sides.
And every other day,
water that smells like
broken promises,
missed deadlines,
lost friendships,
and lies
come flooding in.

- - -
Tommorrow is the first day of school. My second year of university. My first school year living on my own. It's weird to think that a year ago I was feeling apprehensive about my life as a student-- I felt like I couldn't succeed, wouldn't succeed, could never succeed. This year I feel none of that. My only worries are rent, food, and parking.

I must stop using parallels as emphasis.

Monday, August 20, 2012

With Words You Kill.

Soft verbal irony
goes a long way
to beating down
my heart.
I'm not sure
this vicious sarcasm
counts as satire
it slices too deep
and leaves me
face down

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Things Come Together.

Things come together
before they fall apart.
It's what causes us to fear
what causes us to do
crazy things.
We too will fall apart
one day
just as we came


Toes gripping
the edge of the stairs--
if I lean forward I will fall
It's tempting to try.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Strange Feelings.

Passing boxes,
focused on the task you demand
we brush hands,
and I feel
I have never felt before.
A warm comfortable ache.
A deep firm embrace.
A kindred spirit
I feel
I have never felt before.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Corrugated Cardboard.

My life is
corrugated cardboard
the surface is smooth
but underneath
are the highs and lows
that it is built upon.
You think nothing
of the structure
of a cardboard box.

- - -

Holy macaroni. I am so bad at this blogging thing.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

A Bad Relationship.

We choke on
strands of time--
our eyes never see
the easy way
the straight line.
We choose the love
we think we deserve
in the form
of verbal battle
hanging on
the edge of a nerve.

Saturday, June 23, 2012


The sky is overcast
like my thoughts.
I'm not the person
I once was--
clarity like the pale blue
of a summer sky,
this my thoughts
are void of.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Smashing Pumpkins.

It's nothing new that I'm notoriously in love with the Smashing Pumpkins. Siamese Dream was the first cd I ever owned and it's been a love affair since day one. I swear I've listened to pretty much everything ever released by the Smashing Pumpkins (aside from perhaps some b sides, but who listens to those?!) so I'm stoked that they're going to be releasing their new album Oceania in July. In fact they posted all the tracks online, so I'm listening to it as I type:


I cannot wait to physically own this cd!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

You Get What's Coming.

Who said
I cared.
All I did was
raise my eyebrows
and pretend
And now I'm left
with the fruits
of my labour.
An apple
rotten to the core.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

This Girl I Know.

Cherry blossoms
touching pale ice--
this mark is
for a girl I know.
I didn't deserve
but you gave it
You hide behind
cardboard walls
but I know
the cast iron frame
behind it.
I watch the frame
begin to buckle--
my heart breaks
for you, but I promise
the pain only lasts
as long as you let it.

Friday, June 8, 2012

New Release From Great White Shark Fight!

Great White Shark Fight just released a new song, so if you like metal you should zone into this:

It's a free download, so put it on your Ipod and jam out to it. :)

Monday, May 28, 2012

Prince Charming - Poetry Prose.

This is just me rambling but I think I love you.
Or at least,
I love how good of a picture you take
and those nice shiny trophies on your shelf
and the fact that you're everything anyone expects from
Prince Charming.
If I loop my arm around you, everything will be set.
If I loop my arm around you, it will be easy to forget
that boy who passed me notes in the hallyway
who smiled shyly and blushed when I smiled back
who wrote me a song all in C
but never had a chance to sing it.

Grid Paper - Poetry Prose.

Your grid paper life offers all the structure I need.
But it's just that, isn't it?
It just looks good on paper.
Beyond the starched white crisscrossed with hazy blue lines there is something
trying to escape.
Something tangible and wild that doesn't just bend the rules,
And when that wild soul bears its teeth and breaks free of the hard gridded lines that keep it in check,
things become visceral and real,
beautiful in an ugly way.
Without these lines, life would be raw and untamed
and so much better.

I Was Mistaken.

When I look
I see
I mistook
your pleasantries
for friendship
and what we had
was really
at all.

When I touch
I feel
too much
the cold shoulder
of your scowl
and I know
you meant
none of it
at all.

I was mistaken
about you
and I'm sorry
for it too.

Monday, May 21, 2012


when will the King
crown the valiant Knight?
and when will the Rich
see the Poor's blight?
When does Darkness
reign over Light?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

100 More.

Two years ago I wrote out a list titled "100 Reasons to Like You." Today I felt like that list needed to be revisited and retitled. So this one is "100 Reasons to Love You."

1. I love how small your writing is.
2. I love that you're okay with being a nerd.
3. I love that we have our own brand of humor.
4. I love that you pretend to be gay with all your friends.
5. I love that you nhave a passion for music.
6. I love that you read my writing.
7. I love that we could spend all our time together napping.
8. I love rolling d20's on Thursdays with you.
9. I love that oyu've always got a new band to show me.
10. I love that we can hang out with your younger brother and have a blast.
11. I love how gracious and kind your parents are.
12. I love the fact that we find is sort of awkward to talk in the phone, because we only ever text or speak in person.
13. I love the fact that you are willing to try new things and explore new places.
14. I love that you will listen to my rants, even when they're stupid.
15. I love the way you smile.
16. I love how easy it is to be around you.
17. I love that you have so many different interests.
18. I love how much you have dedicated yourself to your band.
19. I love how easy and uncomplicated we are.
20. I love that you stuck around when I screwed up.
21. I love your patience.
22. I love that we can sit together in silence and be comfortable.
23. I love that when our taste differs, it's not an issue.
24. I love that we agree on a lot of things.
25. I love that you are friends with my brother.
26. I love that we never fight.
27. I love how I always say I'm going to win the tickle fight, but I never do.
28. I love hugging you.
29. I love asking you for piggy back rides.
30. I love making you laugh, even if it is sometimes at me!
31. I love the fact that you're not afraid to tease me.
32. I love when you tell me you love me, because I know you mean it.
33. I love that you procrastinate almost as much as I do.
34. I love that we have inside jokes.
35. I love that most of your T-shirts are band tees.
36. I love that I get to call one of your best friends "Bearded Ryan". ;P
37. I love that you cannot be rushed.
38. I love that my parents like you.
39. I love that you are unafraid to grow a mustache.
40. I love that 2 years seems like nothing.
41. I love that no matter how bad of a day I'm having, seeing you will make it better 100% of the time.
42. I love that we do a ton of laughing.
43. I love your blue eyes.
44. I love that we go to shows together.
45. I love that on our first date we went to go see Shutter Island, and I'm pretty sure neither of us understood what was going on.
46. I love that you bought a fuzzy brown shag carpet for your drums.
47. I love the way you explain what's happening in a book or comic or life in general to me.
48. I love listening to you just talk.
49. I love how easy it is to get along with your friends.
50. I love watching movies together.
51. I love that you never have to ask me about school, but you'll listen to me rant about it anyways.
52. I love that you pay attention to politics, even when I feel disillusioned with them.
53. I love that when you are curious about something, you will go and find out about it.
54. I love that when I asked you if you wanted to meet my dad, you said yes. And then you dealt with him and a crying baby for a week.
56. I love that I am FINALLY able to put names to almost all your cousins.
57. I love that we can spend hours doing basically nothing.
58. I love how comfortable it is to spend time with your family.
59. I love how we sometimes sit down with the intention of watching something and spend two hours talking with a blank tv in front of us.
60. I love that you're oaky with the way I dress.
61. I love that you like hanging out with my best friend.
62. I love the way you look when you wake up from a nap.
63. I love the fact that the minute you are home you change into comfy clothing.
64. I love the way your room is never quite messy, but never tidy either.
65. I love how hard you work at everything you do.
66. I love the way you look.
67. I love messing up your hair.
68. I love that when I make a funny face at you, you make one right back.
69. I love that we don't have to be together every second of the day, as that would be impossible!
70. I love that you will only dance if it's a hardcore two-step.
71. I love that you don't pry.
72. I love that we sometimes read each other's minds.
73. I love how easy it is to tell you things.
74. I love that I can trust you with every detail of my life.
75. I love that you remember the day we started dating.
76. I love that we met through a mutual love for Will Smith.
77. I love how awkward our first kiss was.
78. I love that we both thought Andriuk was senile.
79. I love wearing your band's t-shirts, and telling people about it.
80. I love it when you ask if something I'm wearing is new; it always makes me smile.
81. I love the way you make me laugh.
82. I love that you always text me good night.
83. I love that you like my hair short.
84. I love that we head bang together.
85. I love that we can spend hours together in a car and not get annoyed with each other.
86. I love that you call me out when I'm saying "like" to much.
87. I love that you give me your opinion in a straight forward way.
88. I love how much integrity you have and how honest you are.
89. I love that you now have probably like 2000 Dominion cards.
90. I love that you enjoy spending time with your family.
91. I love that we can split a bill.
92. I love that you hacve realistic expectations of yourself.
93. I love that when you have a goal, you go out and get it.
94. I love that we can have mutual friends.
95. I love that you rarely get angry.
96. I love that we don't have to berate or lecture each other.
97. I love that you're okay with all my pets.
98. I love that when Joplin brings you a ball, you'll throw it for her and when she had puppies you cuddled with them.
99. I love taking long walks with you.
100. I love how amazing you are.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Skin and bones
the essence of me
the essence of you
nothing more.
and a heart and a soul?
An empty guess.
and me: animals--
something tangible
and yet just
an animal.

- - -

It's been a while. School is finished now and I'm settling into some sort of vegetative state. It's like my body is resetting, renewing all the energy and drive that I had last fall. I'm happy that the summer months are starting to look like fluid waves dancing on a calm ocean. I need a little while to just sleep and read and play guitar and write.

It feels good to write something just for the sake of writing it. I get tired of the knot I feel forming at my temple when I'm stessing about grades and that inevitable question: "Is this good enough?" Now it doesn't have to be good enough. My words can be mine again, for a few months at least.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


You said ignorance is bliss.
But a bliss
I think
I'd rather not

This Kid Survived University.

Yeap, I survived. Tommorrow is the last day of classes and then it's just finals. And then freedom!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

An Ache.

I ache
as I stare down
my street
wishing I'd see
dark hair
blue eyes
laughing at me
like he does.
I ache
when I think
of how long it's been
the touch
and feel
and smell
of skin.

Monday, April 2, 2012


Oil runs thick
in blood and in

Friday, March 30, 2012


Potatoes sweat butter
stick to charred iron
and fish fries
in hissing oil.
This is a dinner
fit for kings.

Thursday, March 29, 2012


The coffee
sits heavily
in my stomach
makes me feel
nerves tingling
the energy jitters
and fingers
collecting static.

We Find Synergy.

My heart does
double blackflip
when I think
of that day.
Arms around waists
shoulder to shoulder
flip flops clapping
on boiling ashphalt.
We walked on
our hearts
finding synergy
sweat beading at
our brows
and smiles
stretching our teeth.
My heart does
double backflip kicks
ollie off kickers
when I'm alone.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

A California Sun.

A californian sun
beats down
scorches skin
but the palm trees
seem to like it.
They sway
back and forth
on gangly haunches
with palm frond fingers
for that
flaming sphere
of glorified
california sun.

Monday, March 19, 2012

I Am.

I am
a ravenous chip eater
a stray-dog feeder
a green tea drinker
a poetic thinker
I am
a music lover
a child ducking for cover
a winter hater
a clumsy ice skater
and I am
I am
I think I'm yours.

Sunday, March 11, 2012


Shuffle the deck
cut it down the middle
and draw.
a one
in fifty two chance
that you will
get my heart.

Monday, March 5, 2012

River Neverending.

Our love is
a profluent force
a river
smooth and glassy--
water that never falters.
We have followed it,
paddled along
for a century
and still
we seek
the estuary.

Friday, March 2, 2012

A Transitory Swing.

Our lives
are transitory swings.
We are the
count down---
the one, two, three
before we fly
wind running
carresing fingers
through our hair.
And when we land
sneakers filled with sand
knees buckled
and laughing eyes
we must choose
to go again
or to stay
stay grounded.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

An Unwanted Idea.

and ping,
the idea light
clicks on
flickers a moment
and then burns brightly
an incandescent sun
in my skull.
I close my eyes
push it away
don't want it tonight
all I want
is numbness
cold pummeling
I grab hold
pull the string
and click off
the burning bright light.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Thinking of You - Haiku.

What else is new--
listening to music
thinking of you.

- - -

I sent this to the bf in a text not that long ago. It was kind of an absent minded rhyme, but when I re-read the message I was like, "that could be a poem!" So in typical Deana fashion I started playing around with ideas. I tried building on the theme and adding to the rhyme scheme. But it just wasn't flowing very well. After about ten minutes of unsuccessful late night tampering, I said "screw it, it's a haiku." It was much easier to cut 2 words out so that it fit a simple 4-6-4 syllabic pattern than try to forcefully add more.

I guess not getting what you want when it comes to language is okay every now and then. University has been a struggle because of this: never before in my life have I had to duke it out with words. They've always just come, quietly and submissively. Since starting the school year, I find myself more concious of cliche, style, and the technical part of language. It has become a challenge to just sit down and simply write because I get caught up in this labyrinth of thoughts about how a particular sentence should be contructed, or if I need quite as many words to make my point, or if that last comma was even necessary.

But whatever. All in the day of Deana.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Dear Katy

I don't usually post things that are directed at one person. But today I feel like it's needed:

I'm stuck on your words and I don't know how to take them. I don't know how to take you. I wish there was more time. I wish I had more time to get to know you. And it is so strange that we have no classes together this semester. I spent a few hours reading your writing, wondering who you are. Wondering how well I know you, hoping I'll have the chance to get to know you better. Hoping we'll have the chance to become better friends. University is strange for me-- I feel like a part of the BCSC kids, but detached at the same time. Stuck in limbo. Afraid to give too much and afraid to put myself out there. Afraid because it's like having to start again. I'm happy I had the oppurtunity to meet you last semester, happy I got to sit next to you in Psych and Grammar. I haven't made many friends since starting school, mostly just aquaintences. But I think you're a friend.Wish I had asked you more questions about you. Regret sleeping so much too.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Your caffine spiked
hyper adrenaline rush
leaves a bad taste
in my mouth.
I long
for a glass of water
cool and crystal clear.
You bring me up
and I need to come down.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Twenty Five Syllables.

25 words in
already I'm blank
the syllable count
is all that matters
it's at 25.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

On Writing.

I write to live
live to write.
Without these words
without this pen
I am a hand
without a thumb,
a body without
a limb.

Monday, January 23, 2012

ArteFOR Magazine.

This new online magazine was released today. It's a free download, and there are some really good pieces hiding in here.

A link: ArtFOR Magazine

Monday, January 9, 2012

A Coffee.

Sipping a coffee
on the bus
Thinking about you and me
and us.
Watching winter mornings
that look like nights
thinking it would be nice
to be huddled in sheets
with you.
And wouldn't it be a feat
to tune out
the bus route
and be content
with just the thoughts
of you.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Shit Happens.

You always told me
that shit happens
as it happens
and that's life.
I wonder
if that applies
to all change.
I wonder if
shit is fate
or if
fate is just shit.
I can't tell anymore.


I get that feeling
that concrete provides
I get the feeling
that the world is concrete
and maybe I'd rather hide
in a narrow crawlspace
than pound up against that
stone wall.