"The desert bears only a scathing sun, and nothing more."
"What about mirages?"

Saturday, November 27, 2010

You Are A Bittersweet Onion.

Raw onion
stings my eyes
and tastes sweet
momentarily,
before stinging
my tongue too.
Have you ever
bitten into
something
bittersweet?

- - -

When I originally wrote this, it felt all wrong and silly. I was asking myself, "Why the heck am I writing about onions?" I put it down for a few days and came back and rewrote it. And now I feel much better about it.

So my thought of the day will be: Why do young writers feel like everything must be polished, clean, and perfect the first time around? Or maybe it's just me?

I like to get stuff right the first time, I guess. It's the obsessive complusive perfectionist in me.

13 comments:

  1. no need of course,
    especially you, you can make it perfect with the first try.

    lovely piece, enjoy the wit in it.

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  2. don't forget to link some of your poems to potluck tonight,
    Happy Sunday!

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  3. Nicely done. Brings to mind the style of William Carlos Williams.

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  4. I like this, concise and to the point. Nice. :-)

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  5. Simple but a profound question at the end makes it a bigger piece than it looks. Nicely done.

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  6. Nice work J.B. Skillz as always!

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  7. This is Zen like. Glad you shared it with us. To your question: it doesn't get different as you get older. Part of the human experience!

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  8. The question at the end made it for me. It actually got me thinking, and the best kind of poetry makes you think.

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  9. I like the simple, sweet, zen feeling of this as well. Hidden in all our memories are bittersweet stories to tell. :o)

    Rhyme Me a Smile

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  10. Love the pondering in this piece....keep on writing Juice Box!!! :-)

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  11. nicely done, the thought it puts to mind

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  12. Good stuff JB. By the way, nothing is polished, clean, and perfect. Nothing.

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  13. There is no "right" in the sense of your question, Juice. There is only the rightness of your thoughts, your feelings, your words. Believe in your instinct and your ability - they won't betray you. This onion poem has a huge message. You did good again. :)

    PS - loved your poems in the Poem's United Poem of the Week. Huzzah!

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"Write with our backs to the wind and our faces to the hard, bleaching sun."